Dating and Finding "The One"

Have you ever wondered if there’s some kind of manual for dating? Or perhaps there’s a book out there that tells you what to do or what not to do? If fact there is a good book I would recommend, it’s called “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”.

Something that is interesting, over the past 50-60 years dating has changed drastically. We will call older dating “traditional dating” just for convenience. How does a person date traditionally? Based on statistics these are the general dating processes that have happened and are happening now. These are not all cases, but it is the majority. These are some key points of traditional dating; casual friendships first, connections over time, courtship(trial), genuine proposal of marriage, engagement period. These things as opposed to current dating which consists of “no wasted dates”, passion-based, hanging out, shacking up or cohabitating, then wedding planning. I’ll just explain these terms, casual friendships mean that you genuinely like the person for who they are and not just for their body. That friendship grows overtime, and your feelings get stronger for each other, and you two go on many planned dates that include the three P’s which consist of the date being Planned, it is Paid for from the person initiating the date, and it’s paired off from a large to allow for good relationship building conversations. After that, you start having desires to be committed to that person, so you start talking about marriage. Then an official proposal happens and after saying the vows, you and your spouse will share a life through the good times and bad times for the rest of eternity. The next style of dating consists of only going on dates with the girls you want to marry and who are attractive, passion based and only wanting temporary relationships. These also consist of unplanned activities and with large groups of friends, with some relationships ending up in two people living with each other without the commitment of marriage to keep them together. Then after that there is a chance for marriage.

I’ll just a bit more time on those three P’s in dating, which consist very well to the three P’s of the duties of a man. The first P is the date is Planned which consists very well as presiding over the date, as they would preside over the home. The next P is Paid for which consists very well with the man providing for the date as he would Provide for his family. The last P is Paired off which gives him a sense of encouragement to Protect his family as a husband and father. The better us men can practice these roles of providing, presiding, and protecting we will become better fathers and husbands. As for the women, even though it is good to hang out every once in a while, it is good to let the guy take charge of dates and if you must turn it down it should be done in a kind way that won’t break the guy’s heart. Along with the three P’s there are also three T’s that will benefit a relationship tremendously. These three T’s consist of Time, Talk and Togetherness. The more you spend time with a person, the more you’ll get to know them and stronger your relationship will be. The next is talk, the more you talk and learn from a person, the more you will learn to appreciate them and the better you will understand that person. The last one is togetherness, the more you are together with a person, the more you will learn from them and the better connection you will have with that person. These can be best achieved when you go on creative dates that open up new opportunities to learn from that person. For instance, you could probably find out if a person likes physical exercise if you go hiking, instead of going out to lunch/dinner for the fifth time in a row. All these factors can help bring back a more genuine form of dating and will make for better relationships in the future. They will also help you find “the one” that you will spend the rest of your life with.

If you are not convinced with these ideas, just try it, what will it hurt? When the time comes, make that commitment and love each other through both the good times and the bad times. Once again, if you have questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to write about them and we can have an excellent discussion about these topics.